another wedding poll

[ravnsdaughter]

[Poll #1750345]

Comments

[sihaya09.livejournal.com]

If I were you, I'd serve 'light refreshments' - appetizers + wedding cupcakes RIGHT afterward, and leave the dinner to people who want to attend and pay their own way, or I would serve a full dinner.

The big gap in between is really the sticking point-- you're asking people to spend their whole day with you, and some of it maybe just waiting for you.

[mythrai.livejournal.com]

this is my reasoning too; I'm okay with everything except the long waiting, especially if it's an out-of-town wedding and/or I don't have transportation of my own.

[medievalbooks.livejournal.com]

Pot luck is a very fun way to do food. Just make sure if you choose this, one person organizes who is bringing what food and one person is in charge of setting everything up - tables, coolers or frig, grills or oven. Not the bride or groom. Did this for my wedding and helped a friend with this for hers this spring.

[sihaya09.livejournal.com]

Oooh! Also a good suggestion. Esp if you have a potluck in lieu of presents.

[ravnsdaughter.livejournal.com]

I *really* want to do a potluck. What I want to do is us pay for a roasting a pig or a side of beef, and then do an assigned potluck for the sides.

Ian has totally balked at this, simply because he's a food snob. Even with an assigned potluck to avoid the "50 bags of salad and 1 dessert" problem, he's scared that other people's cooking skills won't be up to his standards. I'm irritated as hell at this.

[spiceandsugar.livejournal.com]

I see his point
I loathe potlucks because I can't trust that everyone washes their hands when they cook or uses a spice other than salt

[medievalbooks.livejournal.com]

Pot luck is fairly inexpensive for all invvolved..tis more labor intensive in some ways but that way you aren't asking people to stay til 6pm for the reception. Nor asking people to spend money at a restuarant.

[vanagnessayem.livejournal.com]

I like Marion's idea of an afternoon reception... dancing, teas, snacks and visiting for a couple hours. Weddings don't have to be dinner things, or all day things. I think it would be a nice summer afternoon thing...

[ravnsdaughter.livejournal.com]

Except our date is October 13th...

I actually want to do a potluck... us pay for roasting a pig or a side of beef and then an assigned potluck for the sides. Ian and I are still arguing about it. We're going to see my family this weekend, I'm hoping my mom can help me talk some sense into him.

[medievalbooks.livejournal.com]

Welp, tell him he doesn't have to eat the food. I think he would be pleasntly surprised, especially if some of your friends are expert barbecuers.

Both at my wedding and my friend's, had so many delicious dishes, had to try them all! For my friend's, I started a group for invitees on FB where folks would note what they are willing and able to bring. People love this idea instead of buying presents for the most part.

Do have a professional make the edding cake tho.

When the groom and bride have a limited budget to work with, this is the best...we did this 14 years ago and people are still talking about my wedding and how much fun it was!

[brienze.livejournal.com]

The big time gap would be my main problem, too.

But regarding Ian's food snobbery, do not kid yourselves that you'll get the time to eat much of anything, except a bite of cake. Even at a sit-down reception, everyone is there because of the two of you and there will be constant conversational demands. The dress is for you, and the pictures are for you both, but any kind of reception is all about your families and friends.

I've helped relatives throw potluck weddings, and they all turned out fine. The main tip I'd have for you, aside from the signup sheet, is to consider portions. If you're feeding over 100 people, the typical "potluck" or "family reunion" size recipe won't feed everyone. If you're getting a side of beef, have more than one person bring potatoes (either the same type, or one 5lb tray of mashed, one of roasted, some double-baked, etc).

[inkandrunes.livejournal.com]

This is an excellent point. My sister and her husband didn't get to eat a THING at their wedding, because they had to make all the rounds throughout the night, greeting everyone, thanking everyone for coming, and then of course there was the formal dances, the cake cutting, etc.

[sihaya09.livejournal.com]

So, so true. We actually hired dancers to do a 15 min performance at ours so we had time to eat. My husband is a diabetic and needed to know that time had been set aside, or likely neither of us would have eaten a thing.

[medievalbooks.livejournal.com]

Planning a wedding helps the bride and groom learn how to compromise...and can be a royal pain in the butt. But that is what marriage is all about.

[fearthainn.livejournal.com]

I confess, I do think the wedding party at a restaurant with people welcome to come is tacky, but I'm having a hard time articulating why. It sort of feels two-tier to me, like there's the wedding party who are the "official" party, and then people should show up like party crashers. Not to mention, for a restaurant that could cause major hassles; having a large group already and then a bunch of separate groups all at the same time taking over their restaurant, not all of whom necessarily have reservations. I'd be happier not knowing the wedding party was doing something specific and fending for myself.

OTOH, I am also a fan of you doing what works best for you - it's your wedding, after all, and the person who needs to be happy is you.

When my sister's best friend got married she had her ceremony at noon (due to church scheduling) and her reception at 7pm. The time in between was used for pics and I believe the entire wedding party went out to eat lunch, but they also got completely smashed. So that's a down-side to splitting them up by too wide a time margin. :)

[kareina.livejournal.com]

The one time I got married we hosted an SCA tournament, with a normal SCA feast at it--people who attended could purchase feast tickets if they wanted it, and we paid for the feast for friends and family who flew over for the event. It worked very well.

[carrier.livejournal.com]

I think it would actually be more comfortable to have an appetizer-based reception right after the wedding, mid-afternoon, than at a more traditional dinner hour. I wouldn't expect a meal at 3PM, but I would be hungry for more around 6 or 7. In fact, I think one of our wedding books specifically suggested a 1 or 2 PM wedding so as to have a lighter reception and save money.

[madamsnape.livejournal.com]

Most important thing at the end of the day... be honest. Don't hide things.

iF you can only afford so much, say so. If someone is offended by that, it is their problem. Not yours.

*huggles* I've been to lots of weddings where some people were invited to the whole day, and some people were invited to the ceremony and reception/party in the evening (a note on the reception... I've never been to one where guests who were invited to the dinner didn't go... eg everyone at church, family/bridal&grooms members/close friends to dinner and then everyone at reception/buffet/party.... the only other combination I've been to was the previous combo for dinner being the only ones at the church... and it was only the reception bit that everyone was invited to.)

[inkandrunes.livejournal.com]

My answers to the second question (and kind of the first) were somewhat contradictory, for the same reason, because of what many people have already said. I think that if you are asking people to spend an afternoon and evening with you, you should be providing for them.

I do love the idea of a potluck. I hope you manage to win Ian over!

[melspeth.livejournal.com]

My answers are based on attending a wedding as described in the poll without our four children. If we had our kids with us, we'd likely attend the ceremony and then go home. I'm not going to try to entertain four kids ages 1 to 10 for at least three hours away from home just to go eat dinner and maybe see our friends for a minute or two. What I would probably do is stop at a restaurant on the way home for dinner, then get my kids to bed at a reasonable time. If it was early enough, I'd have put something in the crock pot before the ceremony and we'd have a nice home-cooked meal waiting for us :)

I've been in wedding parties where there have been several hours of photography between ceremony and reception and I've been in wedding parties where it went right from one into the other, and pretty much the full spectrum between the two. I've also attended weddings that run the gamut. I have to tell you, being broke and stuck in an unfamiliar town waiting for a reception to start hours later sucks donkey balls.

Now, what really matters is having the wedding that makes both you and Ian happy. I think the idea of having one thing that you each have absolute veto power over is good - so long as you both understand the consequences of those decisions. For instance, if Ian exercised his veto power on the potluck, the consequence is that he would have to put more money from the budget into paying for food that he *does* approve of. And that would mean cutting corners elsewhere.

Trying to win him over to your way of thinking, either through bringing it up or getting your mother to talk to him about it will only smack of brow-beating and nagging and I doubt that Ian would respond well to that. Better to acheive consensus through more above-board means, as it will bode much better for your future married life.