introspection

[ravnsdaughter]

I almost deleted my last post, and then I almost made it friends only, but then I decided that no, I shouldn't, I should confront the feelings I'm having because that's the only way I will heal.

Verdict is, I won't be selling any of my lampwork unless it's kiln-annealed.

For now, that'll be done with batch annealing at Sunlight, but I'm going to start doing research and look to getting my own small kiln in the next couple of months. In the small bit of research I've done so far, I've found one that would work for about $600, and that shouldn't be too difficult. I could actually get it now if I wanted to piss Ian off, which I don't, so I won't.

Something about the way some of the responses I got were worded totally triggered me. I'm not going to say which one(s), because I specifically don't want to point fingers at any one in particular, because this is me and my brain, not you guys. The trigger it caused was one that brought up the same type of feelings I used to have when either of my exes or my parents said something to the effect of "not good enough" (which was often).

That hasn't happened in a long time, actually, other than at work, which is simply a function of working for lawyers (who always think they're perfect when they're not, and always expect their assistants to be super-woman), so I'm used to it. I think that's why it felt so weird. It triggered a feeling of "OMG why did I even post that, I knew that was going to be the answer and now no one will believe me even if I say I'm annealing my stuff once I start selling it. I'm going to have to post a picture of my kiln once I buy it or something." Which I probably will anyways, since I'll be so thrilled when I DO get it, but anyways.

And in the meantime, Tamara's going to get lots of business from me (she's the owner of the place I buy my glass, which is where I'll also go for batch annealing). :)

Comments

[auronsgirl.livejournal.com]

Honey, it's the arts and crafts world. People are always going to say something that will go across you the wrong way. (I've turned some of the choicer comments I get at shows into a drinking game)

You do what you do, and do it the best way you can. You'll learn as you go and improve as you go, just like everyone else. It's the journey that matters.

[ravnsdaughter.livejournal.com]

Oh I know. Plus I think I must be PMSing or something, and I've got some other issues messing with my head at the moment, so it's just the combination of those things that's getting to me.

[lunesse.livejournal.com]

I really hope it wasn't me. You don't have to prove it if it is true! You can batch anneal, as you said.

I made a point of saying "from a purely technical view." I did that because it has NOTHING to do with your artistic ability at all, or how pretty your beads are, or the quality of work you put into them. It's a technical process, nothing more.

=)

[lunesse.livejournal.com]

by the by, fellow lampworker, if you want a batch annealed for you to try in jewelry to test waters on etsy, email me. I'll batch anneal a big batch for you if you like. I have an 18" wide kiln that would be happy to anneal for you if you send them to me.

[medievalbooks.livejournal.com]

Before getting a kiln, try renting space in one or useing one that one of you fellow lampworkers have offered. That way you can alos tell by chatting with individuals which one would best suit your needs. And that way you can make your beads, anneal them and sell them to make money for your new kiln :)

[gingerblue.livejournal.com]

I'll bet it was my response, and I'm sorry.

The reason I worded it so strongly is because in the clay community, there are LOTS of sellers that *know* they have to cure the clay at a certain temperature (I mean, it's even on the packs of clay) to make 100% sure it's completely baked through. But because that temperature tends to be on the high side (which will often "brown" the beads if they aren't properly prepared before they go into the oven) a lot of people try and get around it. And their beads crap out. Then the clay gets a bad reputation as flimsy, when it's really not. It affects all of us when a few people don't play by the rules. It's just an unfortunate part of working with the clay, but it's ultimately important.

And when I first started making beads, I got handslapped when I asked if we *really* needed to cure clay at the temperature. And I got really hurt about it, but now that I've been working with it for years, I realize that I was just asking a question I knew the answer to. I wanted permission from someone to do it in a more simple way, even though I knew that if it could be done that way, *everyone* would be doing it.

I'll be honest- and you can get angry at me if you like - but I think you know enough about lampworking to know that glass beads need to be annealed for them to be really strong. It rubbed me the wrong way. So I reacted. And I apologize.

It's just that I think people who make beads, or any art, have a responsibility to the people who are willing to buy their things to give them the best product they *know* how to make. And if they know there's an aspect of that process they can't achieve, they need to figure out how to achieve it before they think about selling their stuff. I think you have the potential to do something with your work, and it sort of breaks my heart that you are sort of messing up your potential before you even go into business. Don't cheat yourself out of this opportunity.

[anaiya.livejournal.com]

I, too, humbly apologise if I made you react negatively. It was not intentional or a judgment against you. I think that your work is wonderful, and I am so thrilled that the Vikes still have a bead maker in their midst!