ravnsdaughter: (potc moments)
ravnsdaughter ([personal profile] ravnsdaughter) wrote2009-05-13 10:48 am
Entry tags:

frustration

I am going crazy, and I need to vent.

Despite how much I've accomplished lately, I still have a lot more stuff to accomplish. I feel like I'm in some sort of holding pattern at the moment - waiting for things to happen that are beyond my control. It's driving me crazy, because it's preventing me from doing some of the things I really want to be doing, so I am trying to find other productive things to do in the meantime, and find ways to do some of the things I really want to do anyways. Yes, I know I'm a bit of a control freak.

This is part to-do list, part babbling.

i. I'm 3 days away from my bankruptcy discharge. I submitted my April report last Friday, and I may have one little payment to make once they do their final calculations, but probably not, since they didn't even cash my April cheque. I have no report to file for May, so I'm already technically free to spend my income however I want (and I say technically because I am just continuing to be responsible and smart about things), but my trustee has recommended that I wait until I have my discharge certificate in hand to apply for a secured credit card. I already have all of the money in the bank to do so, and once I have the secured credit card, I will be able to reserve the car for my trip to Portland in July.

ii. I really need to get going on Ian's garb - his tunic in particular - so that he has something to wear to Coronet. I already have a belt for him, and if all else fails he can wear a pair of plain pants under the tunic (and I really ought to hit up the Army & Navy to see if they have any plaid pajama bottoms), but the tunic needs to get made.

iii. This whole waiting for my roommate to move out thing is driving me absolutely insane. He had me give him a formal Notice to Vacate for Landlord's Use of Property in late April, and because I'm such a nice person, I put the deadline for him to be out as July 31st, because I felt it would be a good thing to give him lots of time. Essentially, he had a window of May 31st to July 31st to move. He's apparently been looking, but is being fussy because he has so much time, but is still being a huge pain in my ass. I know he's still a tenant there as long as he's paying rent, but you would think he'd have it through his head by now that he's not my goddamned father. He might be old enough to be my father, but I really don't need him commenting on every morsel of food that I put into my mouth or what time I go to bed at. And I just want to get started on the furniture rearranging and stuff.

iv. I've decided not to paint my place after all (other than touchups), because Ian and I are going to end up moving into Vancouver in the next year or two, and I don't want to go through all that work for only a year or so. Once the roommate IS gone, my priorities will be: wash down the walls in his room, do a cleansing ritual throughout the entire house to get rid of all his negative energy, and then move the computer desk and futon from the living room to
the 2nd bedroom (and get the landlord to bring the other half of my desk in from the garage). Once that's done, I am going to have a professional in to clean the carpets for me.

v. I REALLY need to learn to balance my obsessiveness (and suspected mild OCPD) with my need to be creative better. In the past few weeks, I have been thinking of almost nothing but my desire to be creative. I want to make pretty things, I want to work on my projects, I want to work on my websites, I want to practice my harp and piano, I want to finally set up an altar that I can use. But I'm already so cramped in my suite, and all of my supplies are packed away in boxes in the storage room because my damned roommate expects me to get out my supplies, work on a project, and then put everything away again every single time I want to work on something, and that just doesn't work for me. Not at all. I need space to spread my stuff out, and be able to flit from project to project depending on my whims and bouts of creativity. But he's so damned demanding and bossy and a bully (despite spending almost all of his time holed up in his bedroom), that no matter how hard I stand my ground, he just overwhelms me. Ian will have no problem with this at all (and sharing a bedroom and having the second bedroom as a den will allow us to have much more room for projects), and I can hardly wait.

[identity profile] 2-the-rescue.livejournal.com 2009-05-13 08:31 pm (UTC)(link)
::hugs:: being in a holidng pattern sucks. It will be over soon, though, and you will be able to go on with your life.

Your roomie definitely needs a kick.

[identity profile] libwitch.livejournal.com 2009-05-14 12:07 am (UTC)(link)
That is alot. But I think all you can do is just focus on what you can actually do right now with the space you have, and then work on everything else step by step when the roommate leaves....

[identity profile] medievalbooks.livejournal.com 2009-05-14 06:17 pm (UTC)(link)
Suggest you see someone about finding out how to save money. Areas in your life where you can cut costs etc. And where you can spend it. You seem to be going back into a pattern of spending that probably got you into the place where you had to declare bankruptcy.

We at one place in our lives declared bankruptcy and got rid of the credit cards except for one and pay that one off monthly and as out finances have become better, allowed ourselves small treats. But in such a way that we arenot in danger of having any fiscal problems.

Living above your budget is a bad thing and will not help you if you ever want to buy a house or car.

[identity profile] ravnsdaughter.livejournal.com 2009-05-14 06:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Actually, I'm not living above my budget at all, in fact I'm living on less than half of what I bring in each month. I suppose the small snippets you get on my LJ might make it seem that way, but it's the exact opposite. In fact I've joked to a couple of people recently that back when I never had any money, all I could think about was the things I wanted to do and buy, and now that I have money in the bank, I don't want to spend barely anything. I keep bitching at Ian that we're going out to dinner too much because I would rather cook at home. LOL.

At present, I have over 2X as much in my bank account as the limit I'm planning to get on the secured credit card I'm intending to get (and my bank will hold the security in a GIC for me, earning interest). Even subtracting that amount, I will still have twice as much money in savings as I will need for the trip in July (we're doing it on the cheap and staying with friends). I absolutely refuse to buy ANYTHING on credit anymore - I won't even allow myself to make purchases on the credit card once I have it unless I have the cash in my bank account to pay it off immediately. I am only anxious to get the credit card in hand for convenience's sake - despite the fact that I have the money to pay for the damned thing, the car rental company won't let me reserve a car without a credit card, and because Ian has no driver's license (and I will therefore be doing all the driving), he can't use his to do it even though he offered.

And once all that is over and done with, I will be saving up for a used car, not financing one. :)

[identity profile] medievalbooks.livejournal.com 2009-05-14 06:53 pm (UTC)(link)
We went through our bankruptcy 10-11 years ago and am terribly paranoid about getting in that spot. We have a house now so we have everything to lose.

I hear stories from friends in financial situations worse than mine talking about this new toy or trip they have taken and just kow they are digging themselves into a hole.

Whatever credit cards we have have to be paid off monthly, neither of us want to get in that situation again and oh, how easy it is to say - tis just a little bit on the credit card. That little bit mounts up.

Yes, I know that in order to rent a car or pay for something, it is necessary to have a car and I really wish I didn't have to use it for that.